i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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