one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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