Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
