Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize