I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
