I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just found a bag of teeth...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize