your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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