I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
