This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize