i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize