Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
