Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
