i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
