it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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