I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize