thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
babies were throwing up all over the place
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
