you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Randomize
