Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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