I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
