I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
