What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
