New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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