im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
this must be what syphilis tastes like
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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