She's JV to your varsity
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
