I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize