Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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