Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
