I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
