He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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