What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
