Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
