Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
