I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
