i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
