Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
