How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
