I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
smell my finger.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
