i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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