Already got asked if we're dating
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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