I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
