There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
