I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I AM VODKA MAN
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
