We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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