my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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