so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
