what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
