she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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