In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
