I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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