Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I want to have your abortion
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
