Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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