You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
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