My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
