my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
