Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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