We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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