Small penises have feelings too.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
