if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
