The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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