My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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