just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
