Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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