would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
