and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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