He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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