I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
