I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
So much rum. So many feels.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
