it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
