my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
