Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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