Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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