come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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