Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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