I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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