dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize