therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
