Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
