Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My bed is full of blood and feathers
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
