I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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