I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
