This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
