no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
