coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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