You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
