You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
