I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
