saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
