I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
