He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
