Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
