Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
