When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize