problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
