dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize